Free Best Wunderbare Reisen zu Wasser und Lande, Feldzüge und lustige Abenteuer des Freiherrn von Münchhausen Author Rudolf Erich Raspe – Papercuts.co

1781 1783 M H Z N Vademecum fur Lustige Leute 1785 1788. When we had reached within two days journey of the ship, we observed three men hanging to a tall tree by their heel upon inquiring the case of their punishment, I found they had all been travelers upon their return home had deceived their friends by describing places they never saw, and reciting things that never happened this gave me no concern, as I have ever confirmed myself to facts Baron Munchausen The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen is an enjoyable satirical account of the fictitious exploits and travels of the fictionalized Baron Munchausen These tall tales, which are narrated by the Baron to his listeners, are fabulous to read and are full of political, social and personal satire.This is a book that was originally published in 1785 and has gone through a string of additions in the course of time by various publishers Originally written by Rudolph Erich Rapse who himself has donned many hats in his personal life by being a scholar, miner, expert on minerals and gems, authority on antiques and a swindlerthe mendacious tales of Baron Munchausen and his impossible adventures are delightful incredible creations of a very rich imaginative mind The original tales written by Rapse were rather small in length but were later appended by various publishers during the late 1700s with sequels, supplements and additional chapters This book contains the original chapters written by Rapse and the add ons and supplements written until 1789 and an additional Volume Two of the Baron s Travels. , which was a sequel published in 1792 The first part of the book is pretty easy to read as they are small individual tales arranged as chapters which are only two three pages in length view spoiler This initial volume contains such notoriously incredible exploits like Baron s adventures with a Lithuanian horse his wartime adventures subsequent visit to the Moon Baron getting swallowed by a fish his exploits during the siege of Gibraltar Baron getting shot out of a canon and Baron jumping into Mt Etna and meeting with Vulcan Venus The second part of the book narrates Baron s exploits travels in to interior of Africa in a mighty caravan, which is pulled, by none other than the mythical Sphinx nine powerful bulls North America and India hide spoiler A Certain Eighteenth Century German Noble Ventured Abroad For Military Service And Returned With A Series Of Amusingly Outrageous Stories Baron Munchausen S Astounding Feats Included Riding Cannonballs, Traveling To The Moon, And Pulling Himself Out Of A Bog By His Own Hair Listeners Delighted In Hearing About These Unlikely Adventures, And In , The Stories Were Collected And Published As Baron Munchausen S Narrative Of His Marvellous Travels And Campaigns In Russia By The Nineteenth Century, The Tales Had Undergone Expansions And Transformations By Several Notable Authors And Had Been Translated Into Many LanguagesA Figure As Colorful As The Baron Naturally Appeals To The Artistic Imagination, And He Has Been Depicted In Numerous Works Of Art His Definitive Visual Image, However, Belongs To Gustave Dor Famed For His Engravings Of Scenes From The Bible, The Divine Comedy, Don Quixote, And Other Literary Classics, Dor Created Theatrical Illustrations Of The Baron S Escapades That Perfectly Re Create The Stories Picaresque Humor Wunderbare Reisen zu Wasser und Lande, Feldz ge und lustige Abenteuer des Freiherrn von M nchhausen, Gottfried August B rger 1996 1373 200 I was shopping along North Michigan Avenue, when I saw a man , in a stylish hat, about to get struck to death by one of the city s infamous taxi cabs I dashed, and pulled him out the way, falling myself on the curb I looked up, and realized I was gazing into the eyes of Johnny Depp a true actor He assisted me up, and inquired of my health Jon, as he insisted on me calling him insisted I return to his suite at the Trump Chicago to freshen up Jon asked if he could repay me, and I insisted there was no need He said he was flying to France, and I could join him for a wee vacation Well, I told him it was tempting but I had nothing to travel with, nor anything to wear Jon replied that was what Paris was for He called the front desk, and soon An elegant gent appeared He asked me a few questions,and then disappeared One hour later soon for the time to depart room serviced delivered the most lovely traveling outfit so comfie too A passport authorized by President Obama personally This gent thought of everything Jon, then came up to me with a red box he said he insisted I accept it Opening it revealed the most expensive watch of Cartier Jon said for me to always remember the time I gave him, by saving him from being road kill Oh, the Private jet it It is so choice If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up During the flight, Jon personally narrated my favorite film of his in person You know the one not even having to ask it Well, Terry Gilliam called him, just as we breached French air space He was starting to film Man of La Manche ASAP, and needed him Jon pleaded saying he promised to take me shopping, but Terry insisted the stars and moon were in such an alignment that it was now or never to shoot this greatest of epics I told Jon it would be fine, I would just fly back home treasuring the moments so far with him Jon suddenly said he knew of a friend that could show me Paris.We landed, and on the tarmac was The Coolest Frenchman in the world tm Jean Reno himself I looked into his eyes, only to realize he was looking at me as if I was the only person in the world Jean took my hand and kissed it tendering muttering if he had seen me first he would have never married any other woman Jon said farewell, and got back on the jet for Spain.Jean with Paris and Monte Carlo Later George in Rome what moments, what delights Como is definitely lovely this time of year I could go on, but who would believe me Please be kind, this is my first attempt at a parody on GR After few slower books, it was nice to read something quick and just lose myself in the story This book was perfect for that Ireallyenjoyed reading it I think the reason why I enjoyed reading it this much, was because of the humor The humor in this book was right up my alley Great short book, that I m sure I ll re read again than once. It is, you see, difficult to stay connected with old friends that is why I once created this website where you could find and meet your old friends I was in a good mood that day and since it hardly took me an hour to create it, so I gave it to this young boy try as I may, I can t recall his name Mark something, he was pissed off after his GF broke with him I can t recall his last name zuck berger bug Anyway I wouldn t have mentioned it if this same website was not used by some of my enemies to exaggerate my little powers and thus ridicule them If there is one thing I can t tolerate it is deviation, even slightest deviation from truth One of them said that I once lifted an anaconda to save a child with a single hand to save a child in its grip and threw the beast away It is such a stupid lie How can people believe that I could barely lift the animal with both my hands.Anyway it spoiled my mood and I happened to be presiding this interplanetary conference that day When representatives of Pluto they are yellow orange color, medium sized, short haired dogs with black ears having particular love for rats were five minutes late I confess my anger was unjust but what happened is what happened and now, Pluto is no longer a planet.I could have cooled down but for a while the queen of England she knows me from when I sold a lock of my hair to end the last economic depression was pestering me over which president should her people chose next People just can t understand that I have important things to do In frustration, I told her to just go for the last one again I think she did I have no time to follow the news in all my universe saving endeavors Just last week, my good friend Doctor Who I once mended his toy machine TARDIS visited me to ask my help in saving a planet in a galaxy, name of which can t be pronounced in Earth s atmosphere.All this work makes one moody Even now I was planning to give a speech which would have ended all the evil in the world and make Earth a heaven but I have changed my plan since my pizza was no good I m tired of you lesser mortals and my date Jennifer Aniston is late She says she is twenty two but I highly doubt that Women often hide their age around me Anyway she was a big letdown after Marilyn Monroe and Venus And, don t even ask me about Helen Ah those were the days specially when Greeks fought with Troy believing she ran away with Paris PART 2 I have discovered that a lot of people are taking what I have said as mere tall tales when, in fact, if ever I was guilty of lying then it was because I couldn t do away with my habit of modesty For example, this once, back in very old days it was just a week before I handed those commandments to Moses I participated in this village wide game we were playing where you have to throw rocks, and person whose rocks hits the ground furthest would win May be I just happened to pick up too big a rock but I lost the game Now tell me, would I be a tall tale teller when I say I was a distant last in among hundreds of players My throw was, in fact, so terrible that rock never landed it just stayed out there in sky people call it moon Funny name isn t it, for a rock Once I was on this moon I often go there in search of solitude when what I see is this vehicle lands near me and a man comes out of it in a clownish white silver dress and starts saying some stupid things like big step , small step I really didn t get it He was still rambling when he saw me his face turned red Aa You kids I said watching him stop, And your little games Cute When they realized the truth, they started begging me to let them have the credit for being the first to be on moon I let them, I was too modest to claim any credit for myself I heard they had to destroy all those photographs taken there to keep the secret.Anyway, I m not much for publicity This once upon a time, I was sleeping at an airport when this aeroplane suddenly got some technical problem in landing People began panicking which is all you mortals seem good for, and there was a lot of noise it waked me up I was obviously angry at being woken up in this manner and just to shut them up, I stretched my arm to take hold of aeroplane and put it on ground My arm hurt for weeks after that Someone not believing the evidence of his eyes shouted but it is humanly impossible Yes, I said not knowing what he meant, What is your point Yet, you won t see any account of this event in any of newspapers because I took special pains to make sure it won t get publihed Although, censoring this news from newspapers was way too easier than censoring this photo of mine with that guy who happened to be at airport Personally I m not much about being photographed but he I think I can recall his name Yes, Robert Downey Jr he kept on insisting.Yet another reason, I won t come out is because I m just too lazy Last time, your humble narrator felt like actually doing something was a long way back It was so dark out in those days that I had to began by calling for light Let there be light and so it went as I worked for six days straight I signed my creations with pseudonyms like God in those days but then I thought that I really do not want image of a hard working person specially someone who won t even take Saturdays off, it doesn t suit me Also, my work from last day was terrible one man although I perfected it later in second attempt And so I spread a rumor that it all started with a Big Bang Yet, another cover up was the evidence of evolution fake dinosaur homes that I planted all over the planet It all went well Giant lizards Really, people will believe anything.I think it is just me people find it difficult to believe maybe I just give the wrong kind of waves If someone else was to say those things you would believe him or her I won t know why For example, I once wrote this document about the workings of the creation I just talked about I remember I was with an Egyption queen that time Another name I can t recall, I have such a bad memory for names anyway, I used to call her Leo She was some woman, she cheated on three different guys with me her brother, Ceasor and Anthony Every time I went to her, she would be with a different man I gifted her this lovely cross breed pet, she used to call it Sphinix but I m diverting, my point being, it was while coming back to present that I thought that this document would be useless because people never believe whatever I say and so I threw it away Some one seems to have found it, Isaac was it Now while no one believes anything I say, everybody believed him when he said that he got all this from falling of an apple Part 3I see people still seems to be thinking that I just tell tall tales Now if you visited my town, you would have known the fame I have for my honesty, they swear on it if they want to praise someone s honesty they will say he is as honest as our great lord Manchurian since that the title they use for me or if they want to assert truthiness of something, they will say believe it as if our great lord M has said it The Roman people were even better they named a whole month after me of course it later deteriorated from Munch to March but hey, it is the gesture that counts And of course Johnny Depp, whom I was just talking with, could have told you but he is won t be seen with me He says he feels eclipsed by my presence.I responded if it is any consolation DiCaprio feels the same.Of course sometimes one have to lie, I mean if kids comes to me and say how much they like Arybhatta for inventing Zero or Vinci for his paintings or Mozart for music he created I can t help nodding while trying hard to suppress my smile We can t take away children s heroes, can we Still I don t like people who will take credit for work done by others Edison was at least honest enough to never actively claim undue honor He always talked about discovering 10,000 ways that won t work, he never said anything about discovering that single way that did work, did he Ever wondered why Ya You are right.Other people though aren t as honest Even now I have just received a phone call, they were from committee deciding who gets from Nobel prize for Economics Of course, like every year, I told them to find someone else and tell the committees for Physics, Chemistry and Physiology to do the same It has become a habit with them, every year they are pestering me with phone calls I tell you it gets on one s nerves I have often changed my number, but they always get it from CERN, where I happened to be the president The peace prize ones are the worst of lot, given my peaceful attitude there is no stopping them, that is why I didn t tell the economics guys to try.And what about Literature you ask The thing is I no longer write anything I wrote this long collection of stage plays this once I lost them all during my visit to a theatre on Queen Elizabeth s invitation If I m right and I m hardly ever not it was my horse man, William something, who stole it.Ever since I have lost the taste of it And to be honest I judge people who will do nothing but read all day I mean how lame is that Get a life You know what else I don t like People pretending to be cleverer than they are Just last week I was visited by this Baker street kid who thinks he is a detective and his Doctor friend quickly the former launched into that case he need my help for there is this murder he was saying there are no clues, no motives, nothing peculiar Sherry Sherry Sherry I interrupted his monologue, shaking my head once for every Sherry , The younger sister is the murderer You can dig in the garden in the right hand side of her neighbor s backyard, for the knife with her fingerprints on it He and his friend were shocked for some reason After taking his time to swallow his pride, he asked How do you know It is not even in newspapers These kids I tell you Oh It is obvious, Listen Sherry and try to understand and you, Hamish I said looking at his friend, You just listen, Okay In the beginning there was word And Sherry said, somehow, not finding the explanation sufficient and all the rest follows Can the chain of reasoning be obvious Well it wasn t for those two, so I had to explain them in detail Of course, I won t insult your cleverness by going into explanations.I have always found these geniuses to be irritating than others This another kid, supposed to be a genius, kept irritating me about his observations and about how he was sure that energy was somehow a curtain or something over matter or something until I lost my temperament and had to interrupt him telling Not so clever Einstein, e equals m c square I tell you it is difficult to be a genius in a world of mediocre people fortunately though most of you will never know this feeling There was actually this one time I lost my temperament and decided to destroy the whole planet Start the whole thing all over again, you know Of course in all my kindness I wanted to give humanity a chance to mend their ways And so what I do is bring a couple of really big asteroids, put them in ocean, put some people on it and tell them that world is going to end on Decemeber 21,2012 since that was the day I decided And so they build their calendars and everything accordingly Next, I go and tell Columbus to look for India in the West.Of course people didn t change their ways and so I was all bent on destroying the World I had everyting set in order but had to abandon the plan due to health reasons Damn You, common cold After that I was too lazy to go through it all over again Anyway, it is fun this way Didn t I put Donald duck or was it Trump as contestant for US elections just for laughs of it Still,I wonder what it feels like to be stupid sometimes I do have this really absurd dream, in which I m just a stupid guy who reads some books, thinks himself clever for that, writes foolish reviews with lame jokes on a websire and is glad to get a few, what can only be called, pity likes To imagine miunhauzenas ir jo sindromasMiunhauzen , inoma, buvau gird jusi, bet informacija nebuvo stipriai u sigul jusi galvoje ir kai pirkau t gra j Jotemos klasikos leidim , visai nesigilinau nei, kas tas Miunhauzenas, nei apie k ten ra ys Galiausiai susipa inusi iek tiek su knygos pob d iu supratau, kad turb t tur sime su Miunhauzenu b d ir neklydau inoma, visada sunku burnoti prie visuotinai pripa stam klasik ir a i ties neturiu ir d l ko burnoti, nes knyga nuo prad ios iki galo yra i dirbta, bet tikrai ne mano stiliaus Tai satyrinis k rinys, kuris ir nepretenduoja ties , bet be logikos a nei i vietos, o logikos lipime m nul didele pupa ar skridime ant patrankos sviedinio ar per pus perpjauto irgo suri ime lauro akom, didel s logikos nerasi Oi kaip i sierzinau itas visas Miunhauzeno istorijas skaitydama A lyg ir suprantu bendr t pasakojim rinkinio id j su pa aipa i bajor ir od i kar prie santvark ir u sveik prot , bet kartasi subtilumas nueina didel keli , o ia jo n su iburiu nerasi Dar didesnis kuriozas man yra visa ios knygos autoryst s nes mon A net pavargau ai kintis, kas ia tikrasis ios knygos autorius, nes ant lietuvi ko vertimo, ar bent mano sigyto leidimo, puikuojasi Gotfried August Burger pavard , goodreadsuose ir visame internete did iausiom raid m para yta Rudolf Erich Raspe, o vikipedija sako, kad i vis nesvarbu, kas autorius, nes tai dalis folkloro, dalis galb t paties Miunhauzeno ar kit bajor sutir tint pasakojim , o gausiausias istorij leidimas man pilnai ir trumpesnio u tekt yra b tent tas i kurio verstas lietuvi kalb buvo mano leidimas.Kad ir kaip ten su tais autoriais, kertiniai knygos momentai ai kus ir kad perskai iau tikrai d iaugiuosi, nes vien d l bendro konteksto, ar vien tam kad kok protmu i rint smagiau jaus iausi, buvo verta susipa inti su iuo keistu, kuriozi ku k riniu. Everybody knows that to lie is bad But Baron Munchausen used to lie with such virtuosity that his lying achieved the state of art quality and he is highly respected for this art all over the world One evening I missed a bee, and soon observed that two bears had fallen upon her to tear her to pieces for the honey she carried I had nothing like an offensive weapon in my hands but the silver hatchet, which is the badge of the Sultan s gardeners and farmers I threw it at the robbers, with an intention to frighten them away, and set the poor bee at liberty but, by an unlucky turn of my arm, it flew upwards, and continued rising till it reached the moon How should I recover it How fetch it down again I recollected that Turkey beans grow very quick, and run up to an astonishing height I planted one immediately it grew, and actually fastened itself to one of the moon s horns I guess Baron had one bee too many in his bonnet The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen is capable to arrest attention equally of children and grownups and may be greatly enjoyed by both We looked round, and now found the reason why the postillion had not been able to sound his horn his tunes were frozen up in the horn, and came out now by thawing, plain enough, and much to the credit of the driver so that the honest fellow entertained us for some time with a variety of tunes, without putting his mouth to the horn The tale of the frozen music is one of my favourite Books are the sort of frozen music as well We open them and the music of words thaws. A True StoryI went out this morning for a hike and also to search for new books in the forest At this time of year the book beeches don t bear fruits any, of course, so I took my spade with me and hoped for some leftover hardcovers beneath the snow I know of a few spots other book hunters usually avoid for whatever reason So I went there and and started digging but all I found were two half rotten YA novels and an unidentifiable volume that looked fine at first, but when I opened it I found it to be full of holes eaten by bookworms Just before I decided to give up I spied a small book sticking out of the snow It seemed perfectly intact, and the title promised some pleasurable reading time The Travels and Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen It was a travellog of sorts and a memoir of one Baron Munchhausen written near the end of the eighteenth century Eagerly I started reading while walking home My way back ran along a pass road The path was slippery and I wasn t paying attention, so I slipped and fell over the cliff I realized it would be the end of me if I wouldn t come up with some idea of how to save myself Looking down I saw the ground approaching fast, but I didn t want to rush things, so I sat back and thought awhile I read that Munchhausen was riding on a cannonball once, but there were no cannons anywhere near, and even if there were there was nobody to fire them I also read that Munchhausen once used a couple of ducks to fly home, but there were no ducks around either, or any kind of bird for that matter Using the book as some kind of parachute was out of the question, because it wasn t big enough So I read the rest of the book rather quickly to see if there were some other advice in it, but, alas, there wasn t Finally I had an idea I figured I would only die if I hit the ground So if I could get rid of the ground and avert hitting it I would survive And that s what I did Just before I crashed I put the book back into my pocket and took the spade out The ground was rather soft, so I was able to shovel the earth away and behind me, just like a mole does Unfortunately my speed was still increasing so I had to work very fast After many hours of digging I reached the center of the earth That s when I finally started to slow down and I stopped completely shortly before I broke through to the other side And here I was, far away from home, on the opposite side of the planet, and the day was almost over My folks back home must worry about me by now I looked around and saw the date line not far away, and I was to the West of it What a lucky coincidence I stepped over the date line into yesterday This gave me plenty of time to dig my way back home where I arrived just in time for supper This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.